11 Reasons We Knew We Were "Done" After Two Kids

I've been getting so many questions about whether Michael and I plan to have more kids. And the honest answer is: two is our number. And I've been sitting with that feeling long enough now that I wanted to actually put words to it… the 11 reasons we knew we were done after two kids.

Why We're “Done” After Two Kids

I want to be clear upfront: this is our story. Our reasons make sense for our family. I have so much respect for families of one, three, five, or more, and I know that for many of you, your number looks completely different than ours.

Additionally (and a caveat to this email)… I live by the belief that everything happens for a reason, and everything will be just fine. If we ever changed our minds, or if life surprised us, I know I would feel excited the moment it happened. The moment that 3rd baby arrived, I'd wonder how I ever imagined life without them. 🤷‍♀️

That being said, these are the 11 reasons Michael and I decided two kids is our number:

1. Familiar family structures. Michael is one of two. I'm one of three, but my sister and I are twins, so my parents actually intended to have two and got three unexpectedly. Michael loved his dynamic growing up, and while I loved being part of a family of five, I can also genuinely see the appeal of four.

2. Our bandwidth sweet spot. Michael and I both enjoy working, and balancing one child with two working parents was already challenging. Adding a second felt manageable. We still have daily bandwidth for both of their needs and our own. A third would tip that balance in a way that doesn't feel right for us.

3. The parental load. Taking two kids out on your own is challenging, but doable. I have so much respect for parents managing three, four, or more solo, but it feels incredibly intimidating to me personally. I like knowing that if one of us is occupied, the other has a manageable load.

4. Our house. We love our house and plan to make it our forever home. It's perfect for four. Even with the small expansion we're planning for next year, it's best suited for a family of four. It would get tight with five.

5. I really don't love being pregnant. Maybe my perspective would shift if pregnancy were easy for me, but both of my pregnancies (with both sexes) were incredibly hard on my body. Nausea and vomiting for months, major back pain, real stress. I truly cannot picture doing it a third time.

6. It feels better financially. Kids are expensive! No secret there. Right now, as two working parents, our childcare costs are particularly high. As those costs come down, others will go up: braces, camps, activities. We want to be able to give our kids what they need and want without feeling stretched.

7. Limited attention. Love is infinite. I genuinely believe that. Somehow, it just expands with each kid. But time, attention, and energy as a parent are more finite. Three kids would be doable, but two felt like the right number for the level of concentrated, dedicated presence we want to give each kid.

8. They'll be surrounded by cousins. We're lucky that our siblings all live relatively close by and are in the baby stage themselves. We know our kids are going to have a lot of cousins close in age and nearby. If we were more isolated from family, I think we might feel differently about the size of our nuclear family.

9. Michael's roller coaster theory. This one is Michael's, and he loves it. His argument: when you're a family of four at an amusement park, each person has someone to ride with. With three, someone's alone. He uses this as a metaphor for the logistical ways that having two just feels... simpler. And honestly, it’s a fair point.

10. One boy and one girl. This one is harder to say out loud, but I'm going to be honest. In my ideal vision, I wanted both a son and a daughter. We have that. If I had two boys or two girls, I might feel pulled to try for a third, though the rest of this list would still apply. Having one of each sealed it for us.

11. I just feel done. The hardest reason to explain is also the truest one. After Milo, our family didn't feel complete. Something was still open. With Coco here, it just feels right. I can't even envision a third. It's less a decision and more a feeling, and that feeling is settled.

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Over half of you are carrying most of the load, whether in a partnership or doing it completely solo. About a third said it feels pretty even, and just 7% have a partner who carries more. To everyone carrying most of the mental load, I really hope the spreadsheet exercise (click file, “make a copy”) from last week brought some relief. And to the 9% doing it entirely solo, I just want to say, I have so much respect for you.

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