A while back, I came across a YouTube video called “Thirty-something women are having an identity crisis”. Shortly after, I heard the creator interviewed on a familiar podcast. And it’s honestly been living rent-free in my head ever since.
The creator, Suzanne Venker, argues that women today are caught in a biological vs. social tug-of-war. We've been raised in a generation of equal opportunity, building careers and identities around work, only to hit motherhood and feel this unexpected pull toward traditional roles.
The solution she suggests is that women should stop working entirely while kids are young, then ease back in part-time until college.
I’ll be honest, parts of this really rubbed me the wrong way. Some of the advice felt outdated and even a bit upsetting. The funny thing is, Suzanne actually calls this out, noting that some may find this upsetting and literally prompts listeners to ask themselves why they feel that way. So I took her up on that.
When I really thought about it, I realized it’s not upsetting to me that someone would choose to stay home with their kids and not work, but rather the idea that there's only ONE right way to do this right.
I personally believe there’s not one right way to do anything, especially when it comes to family and parenting.
So today, I want to talk about work-life balance (or should I say pendulum?) and what that actually looks like for me these days.
The mental load is real
Here's a snapshot of what runs through my brain on any given week: Theme days at school. Outgrown clothes. Birthday parties. Things that need fixing around the house. Work partnerships and deadlines. Content calendars. When was our last date night? Have I called my friends? Am I making time for myself?
It's endless. And the mental load of running a household, raising kids, maintaining relationships, AND building a career really doesn't get talked about enough.
The pendulum, not balance
The truth is that I never actually feel "balanced."
I think of it as a work-life pendulum. Some days, home demands most of my attention—sick kids, house emergencies, school events. Work gets scaled back. Other days, I have crucial meetings, travel, or launches. Family gets the heads-up that I'll be less available and I get it done.
My job could expand forever if I let it. More content, new products, courses, books. And sometimes I want that. But I also have a family, friendships, hobbies, and a life outside of work. I don't want to be all hustle, all the time.
Rejecting the 9-to-5 mindset
I’ve been working for myself for awhile. I don't have a boss. I have no one to report to. And for years, I was forcing myself to conform to traditional work hours for no reason.
I treated Monday-Friday, 9-to-6, as sacred. Even with nothing urgent, I felt guilty leaving my desk. I've been this way since childhood, always looking ahead, always adding pressure.
After having kids, I made a shift. Now, if I have something to do, I'll do it. I trust myself with deadlines. But if I have nothing urgent? I let myself live my life.
Beach on a Tuesday. Spontaneous adventure with the kids. Tennis clinic. Coffee with friends. These are the perks of running my own business, and I spent years not taking advantage because of an arbitrary corporate mindset that didn't even apply to me.
The art of staying flexible
Now, most of my days still have structure, just not rigidity. Some non-negotiables include:
Protected family times (pickups, dinner, bedtime)
Clear communication with Michael when work pulls me away
Batching work when possible
A village that supports us both working
Trust in myself to know what takes priority
The key is flexibility. Some weeks are work-heavy. Some are family-heavy. I've stopped beating myself up for not achieving perfect "balance" every day.
Mothering the “right” way
That video I mentioned earlier describes mothers as "most fulfilled" when staying home with kids, that it's an objective truth.
Personally, I disagree. Yes, I love my family. But I also love work, and more specifically, prioritizing myself as a person, not just as a mom.
My take is that the world needs to support women making the choice that works for them. Not simply assign us roles based on biology and call it the only path to fulfillment.
For the women who have become equal earners and found meaning in work, the solution isn't to rewind social progress. It's to restructure how your family operates—with both partners flexing to become equal caretakers, equal home-makers, carrying equal mental load.
That's how my relationship with Michael works. And I wouldn't want it any other way.
Your mind might change
In those earliest, most physically demanding years of motherhood with Milo, I questioned whether I should just stop working.
And when I didn’t, I had seasons of guilt for wanting to work when society said I should want to be home more.
When I strip away the noise, the answer is clear that I want both, and that’s okay.
Finding what works
The truth is there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. Whether you’re staying home, working full-time, part-time, or shifting between seasons.
I think it’s time we stop searching for the single “right” way to balance motherhood and work, and instead start celebrating the many ways they can coexist.
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT
The other week, I sat down with Samantha Diamond, founder of Bird&Be, to talk about Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS), fertility, and why the entire conversation around getting pregnant needs a serious overhaul.
Samantha has been through the fertility journey herself. She has PCOS, experienced pregnancy loss, and built her company after realizing how little support and education exists around reproductive health.
The episode is packed with information (a lot of which I wish I'd known before trying to have kids myself):
On the reality of male factor infertility: Up to 50% of infertility cases involve male factor infertility. And yet, women are still the first (and often only) ones getting tested, tracking cycles, taking supplements, and carrying the mental load of "figuring it out." "We need to involve the men," Samantha said. "We're not going to change things if it's just still women talking about this."
On sperm health and miscarriage: Samantha explained that sperm health doesn't just affect whether you can conceive, but also miscarriage rates. "Fifty percent of miscarriages are caused by a nonviable embryo due to sperm quality," she shared. So many women walk away from pregnancy loss feeling like their body failed them, when half the time, it's actually the quality of the sperm that formed the embryo.
On testing early (and at home): When it comes to fertility, you don't have to wait until you're actively trying to get answers. You can test sperm quality at home in 15 minutes and get the results straight to your phone. "The minute you start thinking about one day in the near future I would like to have a baby, you can order a kit," Samantha said.
On PCOS being masked by the pill: Samantha was diagnosed with PCOS in her early 20s, but only because her boyfriend at the time was an OB/GYN resident and recognized the symptoms when she came off birth control. "Nobody else gets to have an OB/GYN in their back pocket," she joked. The reality is that up to 70% of people with PCOS are undiagnosed, often because the pill masks symptoms. If you've been on the pill since you were young and have never come off it, you might not know what your body actually does on its own.
On men needing to prepare too: Samantha was really clear that men need to be preparing their bodies for conception just as much as women. "That male partner needs to be doing that alongside the female partner," she explained. This means exercise, sleep, whole foods, no smoking, no weed, reducing alcohol, and taking supplements with antioxidants. And the impact can show up sooner than you’d think, with many men seeing sperm quality improve in as little as 30 to 90 days.
If getting pregnant and having kids is on your radar at any point, I really think you’ll appreciate this episode. Samantha covers so much I never learned in health class, and it completely changed how I think about reproductive health.
It’s the kind of conversation that can save time, money, and a lot of heartache. You can find the full episode of The Real Stuff on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or watch it on YouTube.
BE MY NEXT GUEST
A couple of times a month, instead of a celebrity guest, I’m handing the mic to YOU. I’m inviting members of my audience (anonymously if you’d prefer) to join the show and talk about ALL the real stuff: sex, money, mental health, and everything in between. If you’re ready for a deeply personal conversation on a public platform or have a wild life story to share, apply here.
WHAT YOU SAID
Last week, I asked “Do you track your menstrual cycle?”, and the results were a lot more unified than I expected.
A solid 54% of you said yes, but just the basics, noting when your period comes and leaving it at that. Another 29% are fully committed, tracking cycles and other health markers. Meanwhile, 8% said this conversation inspired you to start, 7% aren't interested, and 2% used to track but fell off the habit.
What I love is that a solid 82% of you are already paying attention to your cycles in some way. As women, we can’t control our hormones (they’re literally changing every single day) but we can control if and how we track them. This awareness has given me such a sense of agency, and feels like a gift. It’s really cool to see that so many of you seem to feel the same way.
ASK ME ANYTHING
Q: “Do you have any tips on mentally getting ready to move to the suburbs from the city?”
A: It depends on where you’re moving in the suburbs. I will say, I think I’m so lucky that the town we moved to actually has more going on than the city had for us. In the city, we were a little restricted to our area but now it just feels like we live in such a kid zone. That being said, you can mentally prepare for the move by reminding yourself that you’re going to have a period of time, maybe even up to a year or more, that is heavy on socialization and meeting new people. You’re going to be starting over and making new friends, which requires time and energy to put yourself out there. So do what you need to do to gear up for that!
Have a question for me? Reply and ask away!
QUESTION OF THE WEEK
I'll be honest, I don't even know how I'd answer this myself, but I'm curious about you.
If money wasn't a factor, would you choose to stay home full-time with your kids or keep working?
The results will appear immediately after you vote! Check next week's issue for the final numbers.
UNTIL NEXT TIME
Anyway, that’s where my head’s at these days. I’m realizing that this whole “balance” thing isn’t about getting it perfect, but about being honest with myself about what matters to me, and intentionally building a life that honors that.
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