Hi friends!
Halloween is tomorrow, and Milo will be Spider-Man. Not a Spider-Man-inspired outfit. Not a “subtle” Spider-Man. Full. Committed. Method-acting Spider-Man.
We ordered a seriously realistic costume on Etsy and the moment he put it on, he instantly stepped into character. No hesitation, no checking to see if anyone approved. And the best part? Michael got a matching costume. Yes, an extremely tight Spider-Man suit for a 6’5” man. I am so excited. You will have to stay tuned on my Instagram for documentation.
Lately, I’ve been observing Milo at birthday parties and playdates, and especially after seeing him step into this costume, I had a strong realization: kids don’t overthink anything. It’s only as we grow into adults that we start second-guessing ourselves.
Somewhere along the way, we start editing who we are. Softening the edges. Checking the room before we decide who to be.
I know this intimately. Being a digital creator means living in a constant feedback loop. Some feedback fuels growth; some of it sinks into the places that were already tender.
This past year, I’ve been trying really hard to only take what helps me grow and to let go of guilt, people-pleasing, and feeling responsible for other people’s opinions.
Because trying to be everything for everyone eventually turns you into no one, especially for yourself.
Watching Milo zip up that suit reminded me once again: you don’t need permission to be who you want to be.
Sometimes you just decide, this is me today. And you show up like it’s true, even when it feels a little scary. Don’t forget to keep scrolling for some more goodness.
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT
I had a really honest conversation last week on The Real Stuff podcast with a listener named Lindsey. She opened up about navigating single motherhood after her husband left—seven months into her pregnancy—to move to Miami and chase his dream of becoming a professional tennis player.
We unpacked a lot: years of financial resentment, emotional cheating, the stress of getting out of a lease she could no longer afford, and how she’s finding her footing again.
I wanted to share a few quotes I haven’t stopped thinking about:
On when he asked for a divorce: They moved to North Carolina when she was six months pregnant to be near her family and have a lower cost of living. One month later, the day after Christmas: "He sat me down and said, 'I'm not happy in North Carolina and I'm not happy in our marriage. I want a divorce and I'm moving to Miami.'"
On financial resentment that built throughout their marriage: She estimates that she spent around $150k over five years supporting his tennis career, living in countries like Tunisia and Colombia while he played in tournaments that paid out maybe $3k (if he won). He felt pressure to win and be able to provide, and when he couldn’t, it just compounded. "Looking back, I will take ownership for some of the hurtful comments I made. It got to a point where he just didn't want to discuss tennis at all because it was such a sour topic between us."
On whether she's rooting for him now: "In the beginning, I was so angry and I'm like, I hope he fails so he realizes he made the biggest mistake. But now I really do want success for him. Because he might reach success and realize that's not what it's all about. He could have all the money in the world and realize, but I'm not present with my daughter and she's one of the most important things. Either way, I think it could lead to him feeling like he made a mistake."
On why she wanted to share her story: "When I was going through this, when I was in the trenches, I remember being on Instagram looking for someone who's a single mom who's pregnant and going through divorce while pregnant and I just couldn't find anyone that was going through it. I just want to be able to be there for other women that have gone through something similar and just inspire them that they can come out on the other end and find joy and happiness again."
It's vulnerable, it's complicated, and equal parts heartbreaking and hopeful. If you've ever felt like you were losing yourself in someone else's dream or if you're rebuilding after something fell apart, I think this one will speak to you.
Hear the full story from Lindsey on The Real Stuff podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or watch it on YouTube.
BE MY NEXT GUEST
A couple of times a month, instead of a celebrity guest, I’m handing the mic to YOU. I’m inviting members of my audience (anonymously if you’d prefer) to join the show and talk about ALL the real stuff: sex, money, mental health, and everything in between. If you’re ready for a deeply personal conversation on a public platform or have a wild life story to share, apply here.
WHAT YOU SAID
Last week I asked about income, and your responses were incredibly honest. The largest group of you fell into the $50K–$100K range, which we defined as “getting steady.”
One reader on the higher end followed up privately and said:
“It’s sad to say that $100K–$150K doesn’t feel comfortable, even when I add it to my husband’s income.”
She went on to say that while she knows they’re fortunate (living in an expensive county) and can save for retirement, between a $6K mortgage and daycare soon costing $5K/month for two kids, the money goes fast!
This really struck me because I think a lot of us feel this way, but don’t always say it out loud. There’s this strange guilt around admitting that money feels tight, even when your income should feel “comfortable” on paper. Like you’re not allowed to feel stressed because someone else might have it harder.
But here’s the truth: the cost of living has exploded. Childcare can wipe out a full salary. Housing prices are astronomical. And in many places, even a six-figure income doesn’t go as far as it once did.
I know sharing numbers like this isn’t easy, and I appreciate everyone's vulnerability. I hope these results remind you that wherever you are financially, and however you feel about it, you aren’t alone.
ASK ME ANYTHING
Q: “How did you get out of a relationship slump post-baby?”
A: After we did sleep training and were able to get back to sleeping normally in our bedroom, that helped a lot. One thing that’s been really vital for us is leaning into the village around us. Sometimes that means having our nanny stay late so we can go on a date night, or letting the grandparents take the kids for a few hours on a weekend so we can have time together. It’s easy to feel like you should spend all your off-work hours with your kids because that’s what a “good parent” does, but giving yourself time together as a couple is just as essential. If you can afford to pay for help or have family/friends offering support, lean into it. It makes such a difference.
Have a question for me? Reply here and it may be featured in next week’s issue.
LATEST FINDS
QUESTION OF THE WEEK
We talk a lot about identity in today's issue, so let's explore the most important identity of all: the Halloween candy you are.
Which candy matches your personality?
Please choose honestly. We respect Almond Joy truthers here.
The results will now appear immediately after you vote! Don’t forget to see next week’s issue for the final numbers.
UNTIL NEXT TIME
I was overwhelmed by the support on last week’s send. Knowing these emails resonate with you makes writing them feel even more meaningful. Here’s to many more Thursday mornings together!
And if you’d like to show a little extra love, here are a few easy ways:
💌 Never miss an issue: add me to your contacts (and drag this into “primary” if your inbox tucks it away).
💛 Share with a friend: forward today’s email or send them here to subscribe.
✨ Catch up anytime: read the latest posts and past issues in the archives.
💬 Talk to me: reply with ideas, questions, good news, or what you want more of— my team and I read every note!