It’s no secret I’m close with my siblings. My brother Robbie, my twin sister Allie, and I are genuinely best friends. We talk almost daily, we’ve never had a falling out, and we truly want the best for one another.
Over the years, I’ve shared bits of life with them on my platforms, and I’m often asked the same question: “What did your parents do to make you all so close?”
So I asked my mom on an episode of my podcast (you can watch it here, or listen on Spotify or Apple Podcasts). What she shared surprised me, especially since she's an only child herself and had no personal playbook to work with.
If you're raising multiple kids (or planning to), I think you'll find this incredibly useful.
The twin factor (and why it didn't matter)
When my mom found out she was having twins after already having Robbie, she could have panicked about fairness or balance. Instead, she leaned into what made the situation special for each of us.
Robbie wasn't just "the older brother who got siblings." He was "the only boy," which gave him his own identity and spotlight. Meanwhile, Allie and I got plenty of attention as twins, but my mom was careful to never let that overshadow him.
Her approach was to make every kid feel special for what makes them different, not for how they compare to the others.
Looking back, I can attest that this philosophy carried through our entire childhood.
Celebrating differences, not forcing sameness
In a similar vein, my mom let us be completely different people.
From the time we were toddlers, Allie had an incredible sense of style. She was meticulous, precise, and always put together. Meanwhile, I'd leave the house in whatever my mom threw on me and come home completely disheveled—food stains, untucked shirt, the works.
My mom never once said, "Why can't you be neat like Allie?" She never made me feel bad about being messy or made Allie feel pressured to loosen up. She just let us be who we were.
By the time we were around four or five, our personalities were crystal clear. I was making "commercials" in the bathroom mirror, putting on shows for anyone who would watch. Allie was running a pretend office with stacks of paper. Robbie was building parades through the house with his toy animals.
We were all very different in our interests, and our mom never tried to steer us toward the same activities. She just let us be… us.
The "built-in best friends" talk
Around the same age, before we even had the chance to decide if we liked each other as people, my mom explained to us that we were built-in best friends. That it was our responsibility to look out for one another, to always be on the same team, and to never talk badly behind our siblings’ backs.
She told us that our siblings understood us better than anyone else ever could and that we would never have a bond quite like this with anybody else.
And then she told us something honestly pretty heavy for young kids: "Parents aren't around forever, but chances are, your siblings will be around a lot longer."
All of this worked. Allie and I genuinely wanted the other one to be more successful. If I got a 90 on a test and she got an 80, I'd be less happy than if she got the 90 and I got the 80. Same for her.
That protective, supportive dynamic didn't happen by accident. It was planted early and reinforced often.
What she did when we fought
I want to make clear that we weren't perfect angel children. We bickered. I would pull Allie's hair. We had our moments.
But my mom had a rule that we weren't allowed to go to sleep angry at each other. If we were fighting near bedtime, we had to work it out before the lights went out. She didn't want it to grow or fester, so she didn’t let it.
This taught us to talk through things that were bothering us and get over them fast.
I genuinely don't remember a lot of big fights growing up. My mom says it's because she never let things escalate, but I also think it's because she never pitted us against each other in the first place.
The straight answer
When I asked my mom for her direct advice on fostering close sibling relationships, she said, "Recognize their differences and make them feel special because of them. Don't try to herd them into a unified mentality of what a kid should be."
She never forced us into the same activities. Except for summer camp (but only because it was logistically easier for our parents to visit all three of us in the same place). Once we were there, I was in the plays, Allie was in gymnastics and basketball, and Robbie was making music and art.
My mom didn't say, "Well, is Allie going to be in the play too?" when I told her I had just been cast. She just let us each follow our own paths.
And I think that's the secret. When kids don't feel like they're being measured against each other, there's no reason to compete. They can just be and build a deep bond with one another in the process.
What this means for my own kids
Now that I’m a mom myself, I think about this dynamic a lot.
Milo and Coco are still young, but their personalities are already starting to emerge. And in taking my mom’s advice to heart, I’m fully committed to recognizing their differences, celebrating what makes each of them special, and never using one as the standard for the other.
This can be challenging. Let’s say Milo is having a “toddler moment” and complaining about something. I often feel tempted to say something like, “See how Coco's being so quiet and patient?” Or if Coco isn’t sitting down when it’s time for dinner, I might feel like saying, “Look at how nicely Milo is sitting at the table eating." But I try to catch myself before saying those things. I don’t ever want to treat one of my kids as the “angel” child and the other as the “problem.”
I want them to grow up feeling like built-in best friends, the same way my mom made us feel. I want them to root for one another, protect each other, and genuinely enjoy the other's company well into adulthood.
And if my mom’s track record is any indication, I’m confident that following her formula gives me a good chance of making it happen.
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT
This week on the Real Stuff Podcast, I finally recorded the acne episode and honestly, I learned SO much more than I expected to.
I've personally dealt with acne since high school, went through a low dose of Accutane, and then had one of the worst flare-ups of my life in 2020 after coming off the pill after 11 years. So when Kaylee and Danielle wrote to come on the show (two people who have lived the acne struggle firsthand and built an entire brand out of what they figured out along the way), I knew it was time to dive in.
On the shame spiral that comes with acne: We talked about the emotional cost of acne. Danielle described sleeping with a full face of makeup on and carrying concealer in every pocket. "I couldn't be caught dead without concealer on me at all times. I would hug someone and if my makeup rubbed off on their clothing, I knew I needed to rush to the bathroom and put concealer back on. It dominated my entire life."
On the supplements nobody warns you about: This was a big one for me. Supplements like Vitamin D, zinc, B12, and biotin that most of us are taking without a second thought, can actually spike testosterone and trigger hormonal acne. On biotin specifically, Danielle put it plainly: "Biotin is great PR." It gets so much marketing attention for hair growth, but most people aren't even deficient in it, and taking it competes with B5 in the body, causing your skin to overproduce oil. And B12 is hiding everywhere: "Anything that has the word energy on the front of it most likely is a combination of caffeine and B12."
On pore-clogging ingredients: "Nine out of ten people, no matter what type of acne they're having, if they remove pore-clogging ingredients, it's going to get significantly better, or it could be the only thing they needed to change." These ingredients are in nearly everything, including expensive, organic, and doctor-recommended products.
On the foods nobody tells you to cut: Everyone assumes it's sugar and junk food. But eggs and dairy were the surprising culprits here. "Milk is literally sending hormones to the offspring to grow. Those hormones get absorbed into our system and they have effects in our body."
This episode is for anyone who has ever felt like their skin was somehow a reflection of their worth. It's not. And there is actually way more you can do about it than you've probably been told growing up.
Listen to the full episode of The Real Stuff on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or watch on YouTube.
BE MY NEXT GUEST
A couple of times a month, instead of a celebrity guest, I’m handing the mic to YOU. I’m inviting members of my audience (anonymously if you’d prefer) to join the show and talk about ALL the real stuff: sex, money, mental health, and everything in between. If you’re ready for a deeply personal conversation on a public platform or have a wild life story to share, apply here.
WHAT YOU SAID
Last week, after sharing about how Michael and I navigated distance early in our relationship, I asked if you’ve ever been in a long-distance relationship.
56% of you have been in a long-distance relationship and made it work, which made my heart so happy to see. Another 22% tried but it didn't survive, and 15% said they'd consider it. 7% have ruled it out entirely.
Despite most of you having been there (which genuinely shocks me!), having the self-awareness to know that long-distance just isn’t for you is equally as impressive and should be celebrated.
QUESTION OF THE WEEK
On the subject of sibling dynamics, what does yours look like? And has it always been this way, or shifted since becoming adults? I want to know!
Do you feel close to your siblings as adults?
The results will appear immediately after you vote! Check next week's issue for the final numbers.
UNTIL NEXT TIME
I know not everyone has the sibling relationship I’m lucky enough to have, and that even with the best intentions, personalities, and circumstances, life can create distance.
Still, I think there’s something powerful about raising kids not as competitors for parental attention, but as teammates for life. If you’re raising multiple kids, I hope some of these reflections offer a helpful framework to work from.
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