Ever since becoming a mom, I’ve really felt the mental weight of parenthood, but it got especially heavy after having our second kid.
You know the invisible list that lives in your brain.
Remembering that picture day is coming up, that your kid's friend has a nut allergy, that you're almost out of the only brand of wipes their skin can tolerate.
As our children multiplied, so did our list. And at some point, it genuinely starts to feel like I’m never not thinking about it.
What made it heavier was that, for a long time, Michael was in a demanding corporate job. Don’t get me wrong… he was present, but it’s hard to find the space to take on more mental weight when your job is already crushing you.
I just shared an episode of The Real Stuff podcast (probably my favorite episode to-date) where I sat down with my husband to discuss our recent life transformation. I had been watching him wither away in his corporate job and become buried beneath the responsibilities of modern-day parenting.
Getting a front-row seat to this gave me a vision, almost like a north star, of what our life could look like if things were different. What if we chose to prioritize LIFE over work? What if we became the co-CEOs of our lives and began running our household like a business? Of course, we need to make an income and remain financially responsible, but what if we squeeze work in between our living hours, instead of squeezing life in between work?
As of recently, that vision is now our reality. Michael left his corporate job at the end of last year, and we are genuinely building a life and business together that we’ve always dreamed of. I highly recommend you listen to this week’s episode.
But that dream life still comes with a mental load. Even now, with both parents fully present and taking care of ourselves, the invisible list doesn't just disappear. Mothers tend to remain the default parent regardless, and Michael and I have talked about this openly.
So I brought it to my therapist, and she suggested something that felt almost too simple: write it all down.
This wasn’t intended to be used as a checklist, but rather an exercise to get everything out of my head. The idea was that once each thing was on paper with a name next to it, we could start letting certain things go.
So I started writing (or in my case, typing) everything out. Every recurring task, every household responsibility, every parenting job… and assigned it to either my name or Michael's.
Here’s what it actually looked like:
Get my mental load tracking spreadsheet here. (Click “file” and “make a copy” to edit your own.)
Once we were done, I was genuinely shocked by not only how much I had been letting consume my mind, but by how much relief this simple spreadsheet could bring.
I know so many of you are carrying a similar load, whether your life looks like mine or nothing like it. So if there’s something I can share that might help lighten it even a little, I want to. I encourage you to use my spreadsheet as inspiration to create your own, and I hope it brings you the same relief it brought me.
To get the tracker, tap here and go to “file” and “make a copy” — then start filling out your own!
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT
My husband, Michael, quit his job, and we're now stepping into life as co-CEOs, both in business and at home. On The Real Stuff podcast, we’re sharing the full story: what life looked like before, how we made the decision, and our vision for building a life we truly love. Listen to the full episode on YouTube.
I recently hosted a How To Land Paid Brand Deals training and got a chance to meet hundreds of you who have expressed interest in becoming creators and monetizing your business. As a reminder, I pick a select group of people and work with them for 1-on-1 coaching for 3 or 6-month containers, and I always love seeing those applications come in. Click here to apply!
BE MY NEXT GUEST
A couple of times a month, instead of a celebrity guest, I’m handing the mic to YOU. I’m inviting members of my audience (anonymously if you’d prefer) to join the show and talk about ALL the real stuff: sex, money, mental health, and everything in between. If you’re ready for a deeply personal conversation on a public platform or have a wild life story to share, apply here.
WHAT YOU SAID
Last week, I asked how you really feel about giving birth.
Only 6% of you are genuinely excited, and I can't say that surprises me. The scary stories are real, and like I talked about last week, they have a way of crowding out everything else. 31% of you are nervous and staying open, which is actually a great place to be! And to the 22% who are honestly terrified, I see you and have been there too, which is exactly what pushed me to write last week's issue in the first place!
LATEST FINDS
So many cute baby clothes just went on sale - look at this cute jacket I got for Coco!
QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Every family looks different and every dynamic is its own thing. But I'm curious where the rest of you land on this one.
When it comes to the mental load at home, how would you describe where things stand right now?
The results will appear immediately after you vote! Check next week's issue for the final numbers.
UNTIL NEXT TIME
If you try the spreadsheet, I want to know how it goes and if you found any relief from the mental load. Reply to this email and tell me. See you next week!
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