As we begin planning some new home projects, it has me reflecting on our move out of New York City and what life in the suburbs actually looks like these days.
It’s been almost three years, but I still get questions about this transition all the time, so I figured now was as good a time as any to get into all of it!
Here’s what actually pushed us out of the city, what I was afraid to lose, what surprised me, and how I know we ultimately made the right choice:
I always thought I was a “suburban person.”
I grew up in one and spent my entire childhood in the same house. So when I pictured my future, it looked a lot like what I had: a house, a yard, kids running around outside, and calmness outside of the city.
Being a city girl (for a little while, at least) was always in the cards for me. I knew that after college, I would venture out and get to live in The Big Apple— the perfect city for my aspiring media career while still being somewhat close to home.
So after college, I moved to New York City and stayed for almost a decade.
By the time Michael and I left, I had lived in Times Square, Chelsea, the West Village, and the Upper East Side. I had a mom friend group that I adored, a nanny I trusted completely, and a life that had started to feel genuinely mine. The day we loaded up the moving van, I cried. (I made an extremely emotional video about it if you want to watch it back.)
There was definitely a sense of loss and an identity shift, but our decision to leave was grounded in some really important factors.
First, finances and education. The latest rent we were paying in NYC for a three-bedroom apartment cost more than the mortgage on our entire house. Additionally, Milo’s preschool in the suburbs costs us about $12,000 a year. Comparable programs in the city were double to triple that cost, and that's if you made it through the application and interview process to begin with.
Beyond the savings, we just get so much more for our money now. Our new home has a driveway, extra rooms for home offices, outdoor space for the kids, and sunlight that moves across the floors all day. That last one might not sound life-changing until you've spent years in a darker apartment facing a courtyard (shielded by the neighboring buildings) and realize just how much it was quietly affecting you.
And besides a bigger home, the world also got a lot bigger, which made everyday life so much easier. A few minutes in the car and I can be anywhere I need to be, with plenty of options to choose from, whether it’s a grocery store, nail salon, coffee shop or a kids’ play space. Again, it might sound silly, but coming from a place where your entire world existed within a fifteen-block radius, it’s been quite the luxury.
One thing I was really scared to lose was our friendships. I was pleasantly surprised to find, however, that moving to a town where almost everyone is in the same stage of life (getting their first home, raising young kids, figuring it all out) made making friends the easiest part.
I said yes to almost everything that first year: coffee dates, tennis clinics, flower arranging nights, mah-jongg games, and whatever else came up. And it paid off, as we now have some of our closest friends here that I genuinely cannot imagine my life without.
It's worth saying, however, that homeownership is a lot. Between broken heating systems, washing machine leaks, and flying squirrels in the attic, there are some moments where doubt creeps in. But there was one night that made me certain our decision to move was the right one.
It was one of our first summer nights in the new house. I opened the back door and just stood there. The air was crisp and I could hear the cicadas. It was so nostalgic, a combination I hadn't experienced since summer camp as a kid. In that moment, something in me settled in a way I haven’t felt since childhood.
Years later, it still feels that way.
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT
🎧 On this week’s The Real Stuff podcast, I dive even deeper into what it’s actually like to be a twin. It’s hard to explain in just a few lines, so really, you just have to listen.
🧠 My brain is filled with mnemonics from elementary school. Does anyone else still use these on a daily basis?
🪩 Some things are non-negotiable, and for our family, that means a good dance party every now and then.
📸 We just got back our family photos from a recent trip to Aruba and I AM IN LOVE. I cannot recommend our photographer enough!
BE MY NEXT GUEST
A couple of times a month, instead of a celebrity guest on The Real Stuff podcast, I’m handing the mic to YOU. I’m inviting members of my audience (anonymously if you’d prefer) to join the show and tell us YOUR crazy life stories. If you’re ready for a deeply personal conversation on a public platform or have a wild life story to share, apply here.
WHAT YOU SAID
Last week, I asked about your sex lives, and there’s a lot to unpack based on the responses I got!
First of all, this was the lowest response rate we've ever had, which is totally fair but also kind of interesting in and of itself. And for those of you that did answer, I appreciate your honesty and openness.
More than a third of you (36% to be exact) said you're totally in sync and I love that. Combined with the 27% who said you have different needs but make it work, that's a slim majority navigating this as a team, and I love to hear it.
The rest of you are still figuring your sex life out, whether it's there or not, and you are equally valid and seen.
And to the handful of you who said you need your own Real Stuff episode? I'm all ears. If you meant it, you know where to find me!!
LATEST FINDS
QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Whether you're settled in or still figuring it out, I'm curious:
Where are you planting your roots these days?
The results will appear immediately after you vote! Check next week's issue for the final numbers.
UNTIL NEXT TIME
If you're in the middle of a big life transition right now, whether it's a move, or a new chapter of any kind, I hope this gave you a little confidence in your gut decision to do something different. Sometimes, the thing you were most scared to lose leads you to where you were always supposed to go.
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